TRANSMISSION 19

I spent a lot of time alone this week. Took myself to Brick Lane and met up with filmmakers June and Riley at Camden Market. It was nice to have a break from all the events I’ve been attending and a chance to do some shopping.

+++ One Big Beautiful Death Sentence +++

I, like many other transgender Americans, rely on medicare to fund my access to healthcare and that includes my hormones and my previous top surgery. Many trans people are systemically poor and this access to government subsidies is sometimes the only thing that keeps us alive. Removing access to it is a death sentence for many of us and they know that. The sadistic choice to call this bill that already passed the House "beautiful" is spit in our already bruised and battered faces.

The phrase "Death Before Detransition" has been ringing in my head all week. For me, the phrase is not a angsty treat to end my existence, it is a promise to speak my truth until I have no more breath. There is no other choice for me. There is no going back. My staying alive in my body as a trans man is my resistance.

I am rationing my hormones. What other choice do I have? I am trying not to panic as I feel fingers tightening their grip around my neck. I don't know what's next. I don't know how to stop it and I don't know how to comfort myself or you. While I am miles from home, the assault on trans healthcare is happening here in the UK nearly in tandem. Like a validation seeking sibling, the UK is chasing after it's turn at the trans bigotry of it's American brother. It is a waiting game and my life and the lives of people I love most in the world are on the line.

+++ All Aboard the Party Barge +++

I have been writing new music. I am excited to have new work to throw out into the scene this summer and can't wait to let you hear it. My goal is to write songs that are made to get you moving. I wanna see you all swaying on the dance floor with me as we somatically process the horrors.

This week I watched as a massive crane moved a boat onto the property here at HabLab. It has been sitting on a tractor trailer next to my cottage since I arrived but this week it was moved into it's new permanent home on the property right outside the Round House. The boat is essentially a mobile DJ studio. It's soundproofed and equipped with a heavy sound system. It used to host parties that started in the marshes around 2016 until they got too popular and had to end, in part also to the pandemic. Imogen discovered that it needed a home and so she gave it one. I can't wait to see the talent that will walk through the hatch and I myself look forward to getting on the decks and doing a live stream from there sooner than later.

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I am so sorry the world is heavy with the weight of empathy scorned. I hope you're able to move your body to something today and usher in the energy of revolution.

As always, thanks for reading. Talk to you next week.

XO- Freak

P.S. Email subscribers get a longer more intimate letter from me each week. If you want to see it, hop on my email list or subscribe to my Substack.

In light of the loss of suicide prevention hotlines in the US, please take advantage of the community I started over on Discord. If you still need access, just text me. If you feel like you’re on the brink and can’t get a hold of anyone to talk to just shoot me a text. I am always happy to listen.

DARCHNERVE TEXT LINE: 323-657-3474