TRANSMISSION 22

JUNE 16, 2025

I went on a walk yesterday to find you. I left my phone at home, grabbed my video camera, and headed to the woods. The sun was low but not quite setting. It was warm and the feeling of being in strange nature had the edges of the leaves sharp. The trees are familiar species but the air smells different. My body knows I am far from home but not alone.

There's a space in the brush that opens onto a trail where the temperature drops. The cool woods tucked me into its canopy and I began to search.

I looked for you in the rush of wind in the leaves. I looked for you in the cracking branches. I looked for you in the eyes of the birds gently landing to rest. I wandered deeper in the stillness of the forest determined to find you. Listening to this strange ecosystem hum, buzz and chirp with encouragement.

Then I found you. Not as a human but as one of the sly foxes I see lurking at dusk. Your orange coat pitted with healed scars and a grin at the corner of your long mouth. You slinked through the vibrant green leaves of a fern glade bathed in yellow sunlight only pausing at the crack of a branch. Calm and filled with warm breath. A small pool is met with your pink tongue as it instinctively curls to cup the cool water past your sharp white teeth. The liquid glistens on the whiskers of your chin as you smile. The earth knows you. She wakes every morning to greet you. She holds the abundance needed to fulfill you and you want for nothing. The day is yours. Scent on the air is your only concern. A promise of a full belly and a good rest. Your heart beats in your furry chest without ache or worry. Instinct guides you and the ecosystem you are so intrinsically tied to delights in you being nothing more than yourself. Silently, you pat your paws on the ground on the way back to the safety of the borrow you dug to perfectly fit your curled body. You are home here on this planet and so am I.

Let's not forget.

Let's take a moment of calm, deep, breath.

Let's pause to feel our lungs expand with the wildness of our existence.

I hope you can feel the love of deep belonging lurking just beneath the noise of your life. I hope the wind dies down just long enough for you to stand in reverence of your own heart beating. I hope the sound of your blood continuing to circulate and feed your cells while the odds are stacked against you feels like music to your ears. I hope you feel proud of the person you have become in the face of the people who threatened to stifle or destroy you. I hope you flex your muscles with the strength of picking yourself up again and again. I hope that learned perfectionism breaks way to the natural embrace of self compassion. I hope you remind yourself that asking for love and reassurance isn't weakness or being too much. I hope you remember who the fuck you are. I hope you feel the power behind your own eyes when you catch them in the mirror. I hope the actions that you take today to care for yourself and put one foot in front of the other are celebrated no matter how small.

Now is the time to tap in to loving yourself on a deeper level than you thought possible. I mean loving yourself even when the sky is dark and no one is picking up the phone. I mean a love that can ride out the skull crushing weight of projected pain from other people and transmute it into something creative. You are a magician and your power is inherent. This life is yours - so LIVE.

The dreams you have and the art you make isn't frivolous or a waste of time. It's how you process your life. Your emotional body is not something to be contained, restrained, or subdued. Somatic awareness and the delicate balance of your nervous system is the antidote to a world with leaders who conflate empathy with inefficiency. You and I know better. We know that connection is where progress emanates. We are not afraid of our capacity to feel, care, and connect. We know we are not trapped in fear even when it's all around us. It is in our sacred togetherness, not our isolation, that we more than survive what is ahead.

+++ No Kings +++

I was on the edge of my seat with the rest of the world as June 14th began, unsure of how the day's events would unfold. The news of the assassination of Dem State Rep. Melissa Hortman and her husband Mark and the shooting of Dem State Sen. John Hoffman and his wife, Yvette by a "politically motivated" Vance Luther Boelter rang in early morning and set the tone of fear and obvious escalation of the social unrest of the country. Millions of people across the US gathered in cities to pack out the streets in defiance of Trump for the "No Kings" protests and it's obvious to the rest of the planet that Trump's power is fabricated and weak.

The out of step soldiers and the silence backdropping the squeaking tanks rolling down D.C. streets was a perfect depiction of the lack of respect of the commander and chief. It says something when the president of a country with the legacy of being a war machine can't successfully exploit it's military might. All he made was a limp and bloated grab for adoration, like his dictator mentors, with dubbed cheering to cover up the lack of attendance. All this while transgender service members are being forcibly dismissed with JDK's marking them as threats to national security for the rest of their lives.

But the failed parade was only a small part of the story that day. Millions showed up in community with one another and saw how many others are fed up with this administration. It's good to see how many people are against the ICE raids, attacks on women and trans people among others, and the genocide in Gaza. There is safety and solidarity in so many people admitting their involvement in the protests and willing to speak publicly on social media about their hatred of the fascist takeover of our nation.

The rest of the world is watching the USA closely and from out here it looks like things are balanced on a razor's edge. Seeing the shootings in Minnesota and Utah had me feeling leery of what this unrest could soon become. The now 79 year old, ego maniac has positioned himself, and subsequently America, in a volatile position and his attempt to display patriotism on the national stage looked more like the civil war reenactments you see in the South. Back home, tired, local volunteers pull out musty confederate costumes to sweat and get bitten by mosquitos while reenacting a battle their father's lost. That display of spineless "patriotism" attempting to mask its racism and bigotry as national pride has the same energy.

I am keeping an eye on the Iran and Isreal conflict (among other nations) as well as the ongoing Ukrainian war and the continued massacre of Palestinian people. There is public outcry everywhere to stop the worldwide escalation of violence and it's seemingly falling on deaf ears. There is so much unrest globally that it is hard not to feel the familiar ache of an inevitable reality shift on the horizon. A fork in the cosmic road that humanity will careen down and a hope that the worst is not yet to come.

I know last week my message was a bit bleak and I am not looking to repeat that here but this is the honest reality of the world and I would be remiss if I didn't address it. I also like to use these letters as markers of important moments in history as these events unfold.

Ultimately, I want you to feel held in the reality of what is going on while also feeling like this letter can be a source of hope in the mess. So without sugar coating a genuinely fucked situation, I will remind you that time is on our side. We will continue forward no matter the acute circumstances. While we don't know what the immediate future will hold and how long it will take to return to peace, I know that we will. We will emerge in a time where these moments are in the past.

Sometimes when I am dealing with unbearable or intrusive anxiety I will visualize myself on the other side of the situation I am fearful of experiencing. I close my eyes and bask in the relief of having the stressful situation behind me. I lock on to that feeling and remind myself that if it's possible to sit in my fear of the unknown, it is also possible for me to sit in my HOPE of the unknown. Collectively we can imagine that better future and do our part to bring it into reality.

XO- Freak

P.S. What you read above is a portion of the full letter I email to my fans each week. If you want to see it, hop on my email list. To read previous letters, subscribe to my Substack.

In light of the loss of suicide prevention hotlines in the US, please take advantage of the community I started over on Discord. If you still need access, just text me. If you feel like you’re on the brink and can’t get a hold of anyone to talk to just shoot me a text. I am always happy to listen.

DARCHNERVE TEXT LINE: 323-657-3474

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DARCHNERVE TEXT LINE: 323-657-3474